Yeah, sure, wutevr....Lilly

For years my friends have been my life. With the bullshit that I have to deal with at home and my crazy ass parentals I need my friends. I hate to sound clingy but the most important person in my life right now is my Beef'n'Cheddar and I feel like we've slipped so far from eachother that she barely knows me anymore. I've always had a friend, one single person who I could share everything with and that knew EVERYTHING there was to know about me, which incase you've forgotten is my love language and the most important thing to me. DON'T BUY ME SHIT, DON'T GO OUT OF YOUR FUCKING WAY IF YOU DO NOT KNOW ME!!! My mother doesn't even fucking know me and she knows that shit, she doesn't care either. For a while Cory had taken my baby's place. He knew me like the fucking back of his hand, which is what baffles me about our relationship, he knew me yet he still tried to change me...if I change it will be totally unwillingly and on my fucking own. It'll be like uncontrolable and no one not even myself will have control over the change. I don't know lately I've been looking at myself and relationships, trying to figure out what the hell happens with me while I'm in them...I might expect a little too much of people, but maybe that's because I've been spoiled in the past. I've had the bestfriend who knew everything about me, got into trouble with me, and then stood there with me and lied our ways out of it!! lol * school picnic Beef* lol man that was so stupid. Maybe it's the whole only child thing, but living_dead *formerly my Mili_baby* used to just lay and talk with me while we looked out at the sky or threw shit into the water or whatever he WAS a truly great friend, and since I knew that he didn't want me the way I wanted him I expected him to protect me and be my guardian. I rarely expect that from ANYONE, especially guys, with my issues with my sperm donor of a parental non-figure asshole I have...had...have no problem treating guys like shit, well some guys. Prom was the other day ago on Saturday and I got home on Monday from it. Man it was so much fuckin fun!! I always wanted my prom to be about fun and not romance or anything like that so I never even planned on having a DATE, DATE but when I met my roommate/girlfriend, D.A.D.T. I wanted a romantic prom ever since. Well D.A.D.T. was out of town working towards our future and I was stuck here, but I took my baby with me to prom and it was soo much fun!! Twin_heart and I were fucking pimpin it!! lol she looked good, and I looked fantastic! Hah she walked me around like arm candy all night long and everyone, I mean EVERYONE was just like WTF???!! lol I had my bisexual moments at the prom and them after wards I caught up with my newest. Umm he confuses the shit outta me, I'm all about boytoys and sugardaddies...using men teasing and never fufilling my promises. I NEVER fall victim to peer pressure and ESPECIALLY not dick pressure, but man I've been feeling like...well I've been feeling!! WHAT THE HELL?? This is little shit for everyone else cuz I've truly got some stupid ass friends who fall in love all the damn time and throw the fucking word around like it means nothing, I don't hold it sacred or some shit like that but I've always felt it was for loser ass girls who had no brains and allowed a piece of ass distract them!! Well I'm definately not saying that I'm in love or anything but I'm distracted like fuck and I'm sore than a bitch! lol some of that distraction honestly has to do with the fact that my girlfriend will be comming back soon!! I'm so fucking happy! I miss her so much, lol and dealing with crazy ass over emotional ass girls made me appreciate her. Don't get me wrong I value emotion but there are fucking constructive and brilliant ways of expressing thoes feelings, crying is not one of them. D.A.D.T. on the other hand takes the physically active way of expressing her rage...the ligament snapping route! lol where I on the other hand do it the emo way and write like a million poems and listen to music, I don't cut anymore that was me and my ex. Who I'm friends with now, funny, and D.A.D.T. fucking hates her guts, never even met the poor girl! lol but I guess I like that, someone who's so into me that they don't want some other person (of the same gender mind you)getting my attention and affection. Its cute, but not as deep as knowing me, you've got to know me to get my heart.