WHERE THE HELL DID THE SUMMER GO??

You know what? I think that these next three months are going to drive me the fuck crazy...shit and for the first time in what, *thinks for a second* maybe a year and a half, that I am about to say these fucking words: I WANT A BOYFRIEND!!! Wow I have just either had one or been really happy with Cory or had a girlfriend to occupy my attention but currently there is nothing in my life but building anticipation that I cannot seem to relieve. SHIT. And I mean my current girl is really kwel but I actually want a guy. I guess it's partially because I am about to become a grown woman and there is that little issue still nagging away at me, man I just want to get it over with. So many other girls act as though this is like THEE most important thing in the world to ever take place and I just want to be through with it. I mean its not like I wanna auction it off to the highest bidder on Ebay or anything, I do have a guy in mind who I would LOVE for this to happen with but he is the most important person in my life, and he is happy with a girl right now. I don't want to ever be the reason why he is unhappy but I don't think he will ever find ANYONE who will love him, wholeheartedly, as much as I do. And if it can't be with him I'd rather just get on with it.

You know what I am soooo jealous right now, just thinking about those friends of mine that are now going off to colleges out of state, man I feel so very juvenile. I hate feeling like I am starting a new school year without anything new happening, that suxs man. You know what if I do terrible in school this year I'll just take a semester at sea and bounce back with a semester here at a local college then transfer! lol shit fuck these people tryin to stress my ass out. But Im feeling it man, all those fucking sappy ass songs are getting to my ass, shit no matter what this is my last fucking year in highschool, all I need are 1.5 credits, lol everyone thinks I'm crazy cuz I'm taking a full day but I don't know...maybe once I finish the first semester I'll rethink my schedule.

I love Alanis when I feel like shit...I met a guy who had the same name as my ex and I think he was pretty cute, but since my parental was there to block I think he got scared away, although he stayed right by me the entire time we were hanging out. I think that in the next months I will begin to change not because of how others will react to me but it will be the ultimate culmination of me expressing myself. Like always, when you have alanis you feel better soon.