So, Rollercoasters are fun huh??

I hate life and I need my bestfriend again, I am so glad that I am friends with her again but I don't want to load her up again with my troubles, I like talked her ear off yesterday. I feel bad when I do things like that but I am in desperate need of a sounding board. I feel myself slipping again, I really do but I can't go to my Mili_baby and tell him because he is going through too much and when I call him ( he lives with his friggin' girlfriend) it is tooooooooo weird, especially when he isn't there! I feel like slipping back into my old habits, anyone who knows me knows what those are, well maybe not everyone, if you don't know then I don't trust you and you aren't really my friend. Well, except for my NillacarebearBaby, she's fuckin awesome but I never have time to bother her. lol oh geez, somebody stole the book of Femminism, Im gonna have to by another one and if I see someone with my notebook I'm gonna know that they took mine because you can only get them from one place in my town, AND their fucking imported from Europe! Oh well, I am offically back on the other side of my valley but I truely feel that I am happiest most when I know exactly how I feel and I feel the worst when I am within that valley of mediocracy. I do find a little hope though in my WeedHed lol he is awesome, no, he is AWWWWesome. He is such a fucking sweety, but my skin of burlap is thinning, its been a long time since I have been here, I don't like being here, lots of my friends do and my ex did, I miss her. I remember when I was going to leave with her, I think I might leave with WeedHed, he asks me all the time, I think he's just staying here for me...I wonder. I can't wait for summer though, I am going to Pennsly and I can't WAIT!!!! AHHH it will end the boredom that is my city, even though I know all the good places to go they ONE, get boring when you wear out the novelty, or TWO break up with your older boyfriend who can get you into those places. AND NO MATTER WHAT MY FRIENDS SAY I AM NOT ABOUT TO USE HIS ASS! lol my one friend tells me that I should have him pay for prom and take someone else. But that's how girls come up dead in trash bins, and I know his fucking temper, they'll be recieving me in chucks for months because there is alot of me. lol oh well I need to go and quit obsessing or else I'll start up my activities.

I amputated her, then sewed her back on

Sometimes I hate the fact that I am a Scorpio, they always romaticize EVERYTHING. We want people to be able to read our fucking minds and no matter how much turbulance I experience being a romantic I can drop it, and to tell the truth, its so much a part of me that I don't think that I want to. A couple of months ago I broke up with my bestfriend along with my girlfriend, on the same night, the day after my birthday, within about ten seconds of eachother. Although I love both of them to fucking death I was soooo pissed off not only because they were not able to be there for me on my birthday but because I had been feeling so left out of their lives, I had been in a relationship that ( at the time) I felt was leading towards possible marriage in about eight years (there is no way IN HELL Im getting married young, that's my grandma's bag, not mine). He and I had been going out for five and a half months and they didn't even know anything about him. I was feeling like crap because I didn't feel like I had MY friends, my true friends, they both had gotten jobs and they were constantly out of the house while I felt like I was stuck in a rut. Maybe I had been spoiled by them because I was just so used to having them right there for me that I forgot that they had their own lives. Although I still haven't contacted my ex-girlfriend and I do love her sooo much, I hold her more responsible than I do my bestfriend because we were supposed to be in love and well I still feel like I felt stronger towards her than she did me. My bestfriend on the other hand, I emailed her because I found it easier to talk online than it was to talk over the phone. I am just sad that I missed this whole portion of her life because I was being selfish. I feel closer to her than I have ever been to anyone, even my Mili_baby and I can talk to him about ANYTHING, girls, guys, my mom, feelings of suicide,grades, just anything and he will talk to me without going all after school special on my ass, but my bestfriend, I don't have to tell her, she just knows. The only thing that's sad a little is that she's engaged now and we won't be going out to look for guys together anymore, I guess I'll be doing that with Franky now, but its cool cuz she and I have a closer idea of what is hot. Just for those out there who don't know what sexy is: Black long hair (maybe spiked, mohawk, or dyed some outrageous color), a medium size streched lobe ( sometimes guys can get so carried away), lip piercings, nipple piercings, basically piercings, tattoos, kinda skinny and tall, rock t-shirts( or at least a good sence of alternative style), and a total must beat up chuck taylors. That's sexy, but there are always exceptions like candi bois, and normal looking (meaning pretty bois) who are kwel enuf to keep my interest. Lol but I do wonder how weird it'll be to have my married friend along with me on our freshman year of college spring break on GGW (The hardcore edition).